Deer,  Garden,  Gopher Patrol,  Thoughts on the Swing

Naaahhh, that could never happen.

 Recently Suzanne came home with a big bag of sulfur and started repeating the phrase “we’re gonna smoke ’em out”…  “You just jam it in the hole, light it on fire and smoke ’em out.”  Now I’ve tried this “smoke out” tactic myself during my “grasshopper” phase in the “gopher martial arts”.  That was long before I reached the level of grand master gopher trapper.

Lesson 1:   Smoke doesn’t work, but she had that look in her eye; The same one she get’s every 4th of July when her true, inner pyro self, emerges…  “We’re gonna smoke ’em out”.  So she had two of our Co-op members, Kevin and Mathew, who after witnessing the first hole full of sulfur bubble and burn, were more than happy to wander all over our property with a bag of sulfur in one hand and a lit flare in the other.  Fortunately, or maybe, unfortunately, I was not home.  My lovely wife told me the place looked like a war zone with the yellowish sulfur smoke hanging in the air; not a particularly windy day that day.  Well, I must admit my experience with little smoke bombs were no match for this kind of industrial warfare. My wimpy bombs didn’t kill anything but my dear wife’s “Sulfur MOAB” method killed quite well.  It killed any grass that happened to be over a given tunnel in the elaborate gopher network on our property.  It’s hard to imagine any gopher or mole living through this but at least one has.  I’ve set a trap for him.

Lesson 2:  Lately I’ve been training our dog Bell to alert when I whisper “Deer”.  We’ve been running them out of the garden for the last week or so.  She’s so happy to do this little chore that she’s now alerting herself.  I’ll be napping in front of the telly when suddenly, she leaps up barking at the door. I then proceed to jump up in full alert, and trip over things in utter panic.  This happens two or three times a night…  Ooops.

Lesson 3:  I’ve recently purchased some gizmos called the wireless deer fence. They’re simply little “deer zappers”.  Two little batteries, a capacitor and a coil inside a green tube with metal contacts around a smelly little center (that deer are supposed to like).  You stake them in the ground near the plants or trees you would like the deer to avoid; Simple idea.  Deer likes smell; Deer licks smelly center; A small electrical jolt to the tongue reminds deer the world (especially our garden) is not a friendly place.  I didn’t have those things installed for 5 minutes when I heard Bell “yipe”.  So it appears I am training Bell to stay out of the garden.  It brings visions to my mind of the deer standing safely in the garden while Bell barks at the perimeter, afraid to go in.

Naaahhh, that could never happen.

But then I look at all the dead grass.

Copyright © 2012 Darrel Boyd


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